


Healing Scars

by Benja



Category: Half Life Trilogy - Sally Green
Genre: F/M, Gabriel is an angel, I don't even know where I'm going with this, I'm sorry i can't tag, M/M, Michele is not dead, Multi, Nathan deserves better than this, Swearing, maybe smut later on, neither is Rose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-09-21 09:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9542582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benja/pseuds/Benja
Summary: Nathan has seen enough in nineteen years to last a lifetime, and is wary of everything, especially love. Can his new friend Gabriel win his trust?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think this fandom deserves more attention than what it's currently receiving, so I wrote this to bring some life back to it. This is my first work, so I hope you guys like it!

# Healing Scars

### Rose The Matchmaker

Whatever Nathan was expecting from the day, it certainly wasn’t this. He stood at the entrance, hesitating. The small and normally empty coffee shop was crowded and noisy, a group of students taking up most of the tables. For a moment he contemplated turning around and leaving, but he had nowhere else to go, and he was already here. His decision was made for him when the cashier, Rose, recognised him and started waving him over. Sighing, he made his way through the crowd of people.

“Why’s it so crowded today?” Nathan asked, not bothering with greetings. Rose giggled, trowing her blonde hair back.

“Straight to the point as always, I see. It seems they got a hint from one of their friends and chose this place for one of their gatherings. I’m glad for the customers, but now it’s so stuffy in here. I’m sure you agree.” She gave him a knowing look. Nathan glared at her.

“Why’d you ask me here, then?” He’d been a bit suspicious the Rose called him earlier, and now it just seemed even more questionable. She knew he hated crowds.

"Well, you see, this one acquaintance of mine is coming here today, and I thought I might introduce you." She giggled and blushed, as if she were embarrassed. Knowing Rose, she most definitely wasn't. She'd been blatantly trying to set Nathan up with random people for nearly two months. He'd turned down twelve dates so far, not that he was keeping track.

“Rose…” He warned. “I’m not interested in anyone right now, girl or guy.” He gave her a stern look. Rose, however wasn’t listening. She was doing something behind the counter, her back to Nathan. She turned around and handed him a steaming cup of coffee. Nathan observed that it was a mug, not disposable, so he would have to stay. Clever, Rose, very clever. He looked around for an empty table, and saw none. He turned back to see Rose pointing to the corner, grinning like the cheshire cat. He saw a table by the window, occupied by a young man, about his age, with his back to him.

“No.” His response was immediate. “Rose, I’m not having coffee with some stranger.”

His friend simply ignored him, grabbing his hand and practically dragging him over to the stranger and shoving him into the open seat by the window. The man startled a little, looking up from the book he had been reading intently moments ago, and Nathan got a good look of his face for the first time. He had beautiful hazel eyes, with a kind but mischievous glint in them. His shoulder-length dark blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail, with a few strands hanging in his eyes.

Rose was explaining something about Nathan needing a seat and a friend to talk to, and he couldn’t decide whether strangling her would be worth the legal issues or not. Attempted murder probably wouldn’t look too good on his record. Not that it would make much difference with all the other stuff on there.

“Well, see you later, Nathan!” Rose giggled. She fucking _giggled_ , then pranced away like she hadn’t just utterly and completely screwed Nathan over. And yet she had. Definitely. Internally cursing her, he reluctantly turned to look at the person he was now stuck with for at least the length of a polite conversation.

He internally cursed again when he met the man’s eyes. The bastard was grinning like he’d just heard a great joke. Damn Rose and her fucked-up matchmaking attempts.

“So, Nathan, was it,” He said. “I’m Gabriel.” He had a strange accent Nathan couldn’t quite place.

“Gabrielle?” Nathan tried his best to say the guy’s name, although he would probably end up butchering it anyways. “Sounds like a girl’s name.” Gabriel chuckled lightly. He probably got that a lot.

“So, Nathan,” He started. “Why is it you need ‘a friend to talk to’? Or was that just an excuse Rose used to get you to talk to me at all?” I snort, leaning back in my chair.

“Which one do you think?”

“I guess it’s a bit self-evident, isn’t it? Well, at least it worked.” He grinned. “You don’t seem to be the social type.”

“Fuck you.”

“See?” He was way too comfortable talking with Nathan. He would never admit it, but this was the longest conversation he had had with anyone other than Rose for the last month.

Gabriel took a sip of his coffee, smirking at him over the rim of his cup. Nathan glared at him. Normally this would discourage almost anyone, but this stranger seemed unaffected. Nathan would have applauded his tenacity if he wasn’t so annoyed.

“So tell me about yourself.”

Nathan prided himself on his ability to have a comeback (or pointed glare) for anything, but that caught him off guard. He opened his mouth, going for a sarcastic remark, but the message got mixed up somewhere along the way and came out as a very eloquent “Huh?”

Gabriel laughed at Nathan’s response. “From your extremely intelligent response, I’m guessing you don’t get asked that very often,” He teased. “Well?”

“Not much to tell.”

“Come on, there must be something,” he pressed. “Favourite food?”

“Don’t care.”

“Favourite animal?”

“Try an’ guess.”

“Best things you’ve ever done?”

“Nothing worth mentioning.”

Gabriel was silent for a moment before continuing.“If you could have one wish, what would you ask for?”

“For you to shut the fuck up,” Nathan growled. Gabriel laughed.

“You might have to wait a while for that one,” He said, but then sighed dramatically. “Will you ever answer my questions seriously?”

“Maybe if you answer mine.” For the hundredth time in the last few minutes, Nathan mentally slapped himself. Why was he asking that? He looked down at the table, expecting Gabriel to give up. Instead, he agreed. He fucking agreed. Now Nathan had to respond to the guy. He blurted out the first question he could think of. “Uhh… Where’re you from?”

Gabriel smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Try an’ guess,” he said, mimicking Nathan’s voice.

“…Do you want me to punch you?”

“Haha, okay, seriously, I’m half Swiss, half french.”

“Well that explains the weird-ass accent,” Nathan said. He had been wondering where that accent came from. He wasn’t very good at recognising them, since he rarely spoke with people at all, much less foreigners.

Gabriel feigned offence, but laughed after a moment anyways. “So now you have to answer my question. What do you do in your free time?”

“That’s a stupid question.”

“But you have to answer it.”

“I sketch.”

Gabriel looked mildly surprised at that. He had probably been expecting some other answer.

“So you do art?” His tone of voice wasn’t judging, just curious.

Nathan shrugged. “Not what you were expecting?”

“No, not really. You seem like you would spend your free time getting into fights.” He laughs.

“I do that when I’m not sketching,” Nathan replied with a completely serious expression. Gabriel raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t comment further.

Nathan was about to continue, but then he suddenly remembered his meeting with Deborah later that day. He glanced at his and realised he had barely an hour before he had to meet her for lunch. He drained the last of his cooled coffee and started getting up. Gabriel looked at him confusedly.

“I have to meet someone,” He explained. Gabriel looked a bit disappointed. Nathan wondered why. Then Gabriel reached into his bag and pulled out a cell phone.

“Can we exchange numbers?”

Well, it couldn’t hurt, could it? Nathan nodded reluctantly. Gabriel opened up his phone and Nathan recited his number. Gabriel asked for his phone, but he shook his head.

“I left it at home,” He explained. “Just tell me your number and I’ll remember it.”

“You have a good memory then?” Gabriel asked. Nathan just shrugged. He needed a good memory to make up for his other… issues. Clearly impressed, Gabriel recited his number and Nathan committed it to memory.

The moment Nathan was sure he remembered the number, he turned on his heel and stalked off without a second glance at Gabriel. He glanced at his watch again outside. He’d been in the city for over an hour. Even though he had taken the best possible route, he could feel a headache coming on. The noisy students and their phones had also contributed. He took off at a run in the direction of his apartment, Gabriel momentarily forgotten.


	2. Deborah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan pays a visit to his sister.

Nathan burst into his sister’s apartment just on time. Deborah looked at him amusedly, and he glared at her.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” She smirked.

“No,” He protested. “I was caught up.”

“You? Nathan Byrn?” Her eyes widened in mock disbelief. “My little brother finally has a life!”

“Of course I do!”

“You have one friend, Nathan,” She stated. Nathan had nothing to say to that.

“So,” Deborah started, “May I know exactly what was more important to my little brother than me?”

“Nothing.”

“Did Rose finally succeed?”

“It’s nothing.” 

Deborah gasped and leaned toward him. “So it is that,” She gushed. “Who is he?”

“Who said it was a guy?” Nathan sputtered.

Deborah grinned at him, no doubt planning how she could wrangle more information out of him.

“You never even look twice at the girls she introduces to you.”

“Okay, Debs, I’m done talking about this,” Nathan stopped the conversation from going in an undesirable direction. He tried to steer the topic away from his social life.

“So how are things going with you?”

His sister gave up, but Nathan was sure he hadn’t heard the last of this yet. Later that evening, he repeated Gabriel’s number to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was a short chapter. I intend to post at least once a week, and I will try my best to do that.


	3. Headaches

Incoming call from: Nathan

“Nathan?”

“Hey.”

“So, why are you calling? Wouldn’t it be easier to message me?”

“What did you write in that message earlier?”

“…”

“My phone, uh… is a bit broken… so it won’t receive messages.”

“Oh, okay. I was just asking how you were.”

“Fine.”

“Great. So…”

“What.”

“I was wondering if you want to meet sometime this weekend? Are you free tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“So, where would you want to go?”

“Dunno.”

“The cafe again?”

“Sure.”

“What time?”

“Whenever.”

“So… Is noon okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

Nathan hung up, then rubbed his temple, willing his headache to go away. His medication had worn off, and he was being assaulted by a constant pounding in his skull. He dug around in his pockets for the bottle of pills, but couldn’t find it. Fuck. Had he left it at Debs’ place? Or at the cafe? Either way, he could expect to have even less than usual sleep tonight. 

Sleeping through a migraine is nearly impossible. Nathan spent the entire night tossing and turning, watching the splashes of colour behind his eyelids dancing by. He thought about things, random things that had nothing to do with each other. He thought a lot about Gabriel. Gabriel, that strange guy from the cafe. He seemed so willing to get to know Nathan, it was shocking. When he found out more, Nathan wondered, would he be creeped out? Would he be unable to handle it, just like Annalise… Stop. Stop right there. No thinking about Annalise. If he started doing that, he would start missing her again like the pathetic being he was. Just like when she… Shit. This was why he took meds. Late night Nathan was not fun. 

Nathan’s headache and nausea had subsided by the time the sun had heaved it’s lazy ass over the horizon. Now all Nathan had to do was heave his lazy ass out of bed. This turned out to be harder than expected. He had no idea how many mugs of coffee he downed, but by the end of it he was almost ready to forget the night. Almost. He’d barely gotten an hour’s sleep and it was taking it’s toll.

By the time noon rolled along and Nathan was standing in front of the cafe he was dead on his feet again, with a fresh headache, and quite done with everything. Not anything specific. He was just totally done with the entire situation. The Queen of Bitches might have something to do with it, though.

When Nathan first caught sight of Jessica, he was convinced it was just his groggy mind torturing him again. A second glance told him that she was, indeed, real. And sitting in the only cafe in the entire fucking city that Nathan went to. There, of all places. 

Nathan had just decided to just ditch Gabriel and go hide under a rock somewhere lamenting his shitty luck when he heard a voice behind him.

“Hey, Nathan!”

“Dammit,” Nathan hissed under his breath as Gabriel walked towards him smiling without a care in the world. 

“So are you going in?”

Instead of responding, Nathan grabbed Gabriel by the arm and dragged him around the corner before the Mega Bitch could notice them. Gabriel stared at him confusedly. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Let’s go somewhere else.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not going in there,” Nathan snapped. He told himself that getting angry wouldn’t help, but right now he was too tired to care. Luckily Gabriel decided to accept his response, saving him from an unnecessary argument.

“Okay, where should we go?”

Nathan thought. Or he tried to think. He never went anywhere else in the city unless he really had to, and that was when he had his medication. Now he couldn’t even go into the cafe to look for them, and until he got them.

“Nowhere,” He finally answered. Going anywhere was pointless.

“Nowhere? Why?”

“Because I don’t fucking want to.”

“Is something wrong?” 

Some part of Nathan- the rational one- felt a little sorry for him. The rest of him was just pissed because ever since he met that bastard nothing had gone according to plan. Now, seeing Gabriel speaking to him like he was worried, like he cared, just pushed Nathan over the edge.

“Yes! Everything! Ever since I met you, my shitty life got even shittier,” He burst out. Gabriel flinched, but kept his cool.

“What happened?”

Nathan didn’t respond, just walking past Gabriel, heading towards the only other place in the city he had any business in. Gabriel followed him silently. Nathan chose to ignore him. Within minutes, they were at the pharmacy. Nathan bought a new bottle of pills, immediately taking two. He sits down outside the shop and Gabriel joins him.

“So what are those?”

“Just pain meds. For headaches.”

“You get a lot of those?”

“Every time I come to the city.” Nathan decided an explanation was due. “I have Electromagnetic Hypersensitivity. I get migraines when I’m around electricity.”

“Did you lose your medication?”

“Yeah. Didn’t sleep all night.”

Gabriel nodded sympathetically. They sat in silence. After a moment, Gabriel turned to him.

“Why didn’t you want to go into the cafe? You could have asked if Rose found your medication, right?”

Nathan sighed. He didn’t really want to talk about that.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m fucking sure.”

Gabriel let it go. They spent a moment there, watching the pigeons that hopped across the stones, searching for crumbs. The pills kicked in after a while and Nathan was finally free from the pain in his skull. There were no power lines around here, so this happened quite quickly. Gabriel asked him some more questions, some were answered, some were not. When it came to anything personal, Nathan kept his mouth firmly shut. Gabriel was more talkative. Nathan found out that had a little sister called Michèle, that his mother was dead, that he went to the local university, and that he was studying literature. That’s nice. At least some people have lives, Nathan thought. His life was far less interesting. He sold his art online with Rose’s help, but other than that, he was jobless, and mostly broke.

about half an hour later, Nathan decided to head back home. Gabriel offered to drive him, but he declined. Running would clear his head, being in a car would give him a headache. He took of at a reasonable pace, running through the outskirts of town and into the forest. Although his cabin was well over ten kilometres away, he could run the whole distance without a problem, and would barely be out of breath by the end of it. Celia had gotten him into shape.

Running was therapeutic for Nathan. Listening to the steady tump of his feet on the trail relaxed him. His breath came out in short puffs, his heart beat in time with his steps. Eventually he reached his house. Well, it was actually a cabin, and a rather small one, but to Nathan it was home. It was made of plain pine wood, matching perfectly with the trees around it. It had a little garden out front for growing vegetables, and a little further north there was a lake where Nathan went to swim.

He kicked his boots off at the entrance and headed straight for the corner of the cabin where he kept his art supplies. With a fresh idea in mind, he grabbed a stick of charcoal and let his inspirations flow onto the paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter this time! I already have three more written, so I should be updating on schedule.


	4. scars

“So, gimme all the details!”

“No.”

“So you do like him!”

“Don’t fucking assume things, Rose.”

Rose grinned and draped her arm over Nathan’s back. He pushed it off, but she only leaned closer.

“I’m not assuming anything,” She giggled. “I can totally see he likes you, and I bet you like him back!”

Nathan nearly choked on his coffee when he heard that. Gabriel couldn’t like him, no way. He said as much, but Rose only giggled again. Nathan went back to drinking his coffee and tried to forget about it, but he couldn’t. Ignoring the sound of Rose ranting in the background, he turned the idea over in his mind. 

Could Gabriel really like him? Of course not. But if he did… No. Rose was probably imagining it.  
Nathan and Gabriel had been hanging out a lot these past weeks, but that didn’t mean anything. But did he like Gabriel? No way. No. After Annalise, it should be obvious that love isn’t worth it.

“Nathan, are you even listening? Or are you daydreaming about your boyfriend?”

Nathan was very, very close to adding “assault with mug of hot coffee” to his criminal record. 

…

Nathan couldn’t stop pacing restlessly around the cabin. He had gone out for a run, but that had done nothing to calm him like it usually did. In a few minutes, he would have to head to the city to meet Gabriel, like always. This time, however, Gabriel had offered to show Nathan his apartment. Nathan felt like that meant they were friends now. Well, they were friends, but to him, this made it more real, and Nathan didn’t make friends very easily.

He took off running, not sure whether to run fast to distract himself or slow to stall. He ended up arriving at their meeting spot ten minutes early, putting him at Rose’s mercy. 

“So, did you get that painting done?” She inquired. Nathan sighed. It seemed Rose wasn’t planning on pestering him.

“I worked my ass off on that painting.”

“I can’t wait to see it,” Rose squealed. It was amazing what high-pitched sounds that grown woman could make.

“I’ll bring it over on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday? But that’s in four days,” She whined. Nathan rolled his eyes.

“It’s an oil painting. I have to make sure it’s properly dried.”

“Oh, sure. Wouldn’t want the customer getting a smeared painting.”

Nathan heard the bell ring, signalling the entry of a customer, and turned around to look. It was Gabriel. Suddenly the nerves from earlier in the day returned. He forced himself to stay calm as he followed Gabriel out. They chatted on the way- or, actually, Gabriel chatted and Nathan listened.

After about ten minutes, Gabriel pointed out a plain grey building. There wasn’t much to say about it, but it was nice. No peeling paint, nothing old about it. Gabriel’s apartment was on the top floor. Nathan stepped in, looking around. The place was sparsely but tastefully furnished. He immediately noticed all the books piled on the table. Gabriel hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he liked reading. 

One book caught Nathan’s attention. He thought he could recognise the writing on the cover. After a moment of concentrated squinting, he gave up. He heard Gabriel walking up behind him and turned around. 

“What are you looking at?”

“That book. Thought I recognised it.”

Gabriel picked up the book and examined it. “One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich. Have you read it?”

Oh, so it was that book. Nathan shook his head. “I’ve never read it. It’s my favourite book, though.”

“You realise those two statements could be held to be mutually exclusive, right?” Gabriel looked at him with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Nathan shrugged.

“I can’t read.”

Gabriel stared at him for a moment, probably trying to figure out if he was joking or not. 

“You can’t read?”

Nathan shook his head. 

“Oh… Oh! So that’s why you always called,” He exclaimed, laughing. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Nathan scowled. He didn’t like being laughed at. Gabriel got the hint and stopped. He asked why Nathan couldn’t read but didn’t get an answer. When he tried asking how he had a favourite book, Nathan glared at him, making it very clear that it would be advisable to shut up. They spent a moment discussing the book, but eventually Gabriel ended up just talking by himself, mostly about his favourite books and authors. He made coffee and offered Nathan a croissant. Nathan scoffed at it and Gabriel pretended to be hurt. They ended up spending a few hours there.

By the time the sun was beginning to set, Nathan decided to start heading back. At that exact moment, however, the sky let out a very ominous rumbling, and a few drops of rain pattered against the window. In a few minutes, Nathan was staring forlornly at a full-blown storm.

“You can stay over if you want,” Gabriel said. Nathan had to admit it was an appealing idea compared to facing the storm. He nodded reluctantly, trying to get the little voice in his head to shut up. The last time he had stayed over at someone’s house, it hadn’t ended well. 

Nathan ended up spending the night on Gabriel’s couch. He downed a few pills before going to sleep, but was woken up by a headache anyway. It was still dark out, but instead of going back to sleep, he snuck silently to to the bathroom to freshen up. He hadn’t washed up in a few days and he definitely wasn’t getting any cleaner.

He stared at his reflection. He was only nineteen, but he looked older. His black hair was unkempt and dirty and his equally black eyes had dark shadows around them. He hadn’t shaved in a while, so he had some stubble as well. He pulled off his shirt. The scars across his chest and arms were the same as ever. He traced the slash marks on his chest, the acid burns on his right wrist, and the bullet hole in his side. He turned around, examining his back. The marks were the same as ever. Long, jagged cuts spelled the letters BW into his back.

…  
Nathan was just drying his face on his shirt when he heard the door opening behind him. His head whipped around and he saw Gabriel staring at him from the door. His eyes weren’t on his face. They were on his back, on his scars. Nathan felt a surge of rage. Gabriel shouldn’t be looking at him like that. No one should. How could he think he had the right to see this private part of Nathan?

Gabriel started taking a step towards Nathan. Before he knew it, Nathan’s fist had collided with his face, leaving a bloody cut above his eye. Nathan rushed out of the bathroom, pulling on his shirt and leaving the apartment. He started running and wouldn’t stop until he was home.


	5. The Cottage

Gabriel started taking a step towards Nathan. Before he knew it, Nathan’s fist had collided with his face, leaving a bloody cut above his eye. Nathan rushed out of the bathroom, pulling on his shirt and leaving the apartment. He started running and wouldn’t stop until he was home.

… 

In the meantime, Gabriel was worrying over him. He had never seen Nathan’s scars before. He couldn’t imagine who would do something like that to Nathan. He had seen the look on Nathan’s face as he raised his fist to hit him, and he hoped he would never see it again. He knew that Nathan had seen a lot, but this was more than he could ever have expected. He wanted to go after him, but he had no idea where he lived. He only knew it was somewhere in the forest outside of town. He grabbed his cell phone and called Rose.

…

Nathan was pissed off. Partially at Gabriel, but mostly at himself. He couldn’t believe he’d gone and punched Gabriel. Now Gabriel would probably not want to be around him anymore. It made sense, really. But Gabriel was his first real friend other than Rose. The idea that he had messed that up made him angry, so he did what he always did when he was angry. He trained.

He fought invisible opponents, punching and kicking until his muscled burned and his mind was washed clean of all distractions. His form was perfect; he remembered every last thing Celia had taught him. As he moved, he thought of every punch, every kick, every cut she had given him, imagining that it was her she was fighting against.

He kept going until the sun was high in the sky and his shadow disappeared beneath him.

When he was done, he flopped onto the ground, breathing heavily. He looked out at the lake, sparkling in the early morning sun, and at the trees towering above him, leaving him bathed in shadow. He closed his eyes, drinking in the feeling of the ground, still soggy from the rain. The dirt smelled nice. Better than the polluted city air.

He couldn’t remember when he fell asleep, but he remembered waking up to the sound of footsteps. He stayed still, eyes closed, hoping it was just some hiker who would mind his own business and leave him alone. But of course that wasn’t it. He heard someone kneeling above him, and was just about to kindly ask the guy to fuck off when he heard Gabriel’s voice.

“Nathan.”

Nathan bolted upright, nearly knocking his head against Gabriel’s. He stared at him in disbelief. Gabriel stared right back at him, and he seemed so worried, not at all what Nathan had expected him to look like. He reached out to touch Nathan’s arm, grabbing him before he could roll away and puling him into a hug. Nathan flinched, and Gabriel pulled away.

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” Gabriel said softly.

“I’m the one that attacked you,” Nathan replied. Why was Gabriel apologising? It wasn’t his fault. Nothing was his fault. Gabriel shook his head, letting Nathan go.

“What happened to you?” 

Nathan turned away, ignoring the question. Gabriel grabbed his arm and made him look at him. Nathan gave the most vague answer he could think of.

“Some assholes from school.”

…

Gabriel stared at him, obviously not believing him. Nathan stared back, challenging him to ask. Gabriel stayed silent, but Nathan could tell he wasn’t satisfied with the answer. Whatever. It hadn’t been a lie. They both turned to look at the lake, silently agreeing to let the issue go for now. 

After a while Nathan said: “You should go.” 

“Oh, um,” Gabriel glanced at him sheepishly. “Actually, I was wondering if I could stay the night?”


	6. Kiss

Nathan sighed. He got up and headed towards the house. Gabriel followed him, assuming it was okay. Nathan let him in without a word, and Gabriel stepped in, dodging around the various things strewn on the floor. His gaze was immediately drawn toward the drawings attached to the wall. He inspected them as Nathan stood silently behind him. Suddenly something caught his eye. It was a charcoal drawing, done in more detail than the others, and the subject was none other than Gabriel himself.

Nathan had perfectly captured the line of Gabriel’s nose, his eyes, and the profile of his face. This and all the other sketches tacked to the wall showed Nathan’s immense talent. Gabriel was busy admiring his skill when a hand shot out and ripped the drawing from the wall. He stared in shock as Nathan wordlessly crumpled the paper and chucked it into the fireplace, where he had lit a fire moments before. The paper was quickly consumed by the flames.

“Wh-what did you do that for?”

Nathan shrugged, staring into the flames. Gabriel stood in shock for a moment. When Nathan didn’t do anything, he moved to stand behind him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. Nathan flinched and pulled away from the touch. He turned around and faced Gabriel, looking him in the eye. He pointed toward his bed in the corner. 

“You can sleep there. I’ll take you back in the morning.”

Gabriel nodded, backing away as Nathan pushed past him. He stared after him as Nathan walked out of the room. As soon as Nathan was out of the room he collapsed onto the bed, sighing. He was exhausted. He had spent the whole day running around the city looking for Rose. When he finally found her, he had explained what had happened and convinced her to help him find Nathan’s house. Even with her directions, he got lost several times. When he finally found the place, it was evening. He had found Nathan asleep by the lake. 

Even when asleep, he had a look of unrest. For the thousandth time that day, he thought about what he’d seen that morning. Who could possibly have caused such a beautiful boy to be so broken that he couldn’t relax even in his own home?

He opened his eyes and stared at the drawings on the wall. Most of them were of the forest or the lake. There were a few of different animals, but no people. They were all extremely detailed. Gabriel wondered why Nathan had burned that drawing of him. He blushed slightly as he remembered the astonishing detail put into the work. Why would Nathan draw it in the first place?

Gabriel rolled onto his stomach, groaning. Speculating wouldn’t do any good. Nathan would tell him eventually. Hopefully. Right now, though, he needed to let Nathan have some space. Suddenly he thought of something. Where was Nathan sleeping? There weren’t any other rooms in the cottage…

Gabriel got up and walked to the door and took a peek outside. He saw Nathan laying on the ground, eyes closed. Gabriel sat down next to him. For a moment they didn’t say anything, but then Nathan broke the silence.

“The bed not lumpy enough for you?”

“Obviously not for you,” Gabriel said. “I could have just slept on the floor.”

Nathan grinned bitterly. 

“I can sleep out here just fine.”

Gabriel couldn’t detect any sarcasm in his voice.

“Why?” He ventured, testing his limits. When Nathan said nothing, he sighed. “You can trust me.”

“Yeah, right.” Nathan mumbled. Instead of sarcasm, his words were full of bitter sadness. Hearing that flooded Gabriel with an emotion that gave him the courage to do something he never would have done otherwise. He leaned down and kissed Nathan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. I only like cliffhangers when I'm writing them.


	7. Chapter 7

Nathan gave a violent start and sat up. Gabriel, who pulled away, didn’t dare look him in the eye, but he could feel the weight of Nathan’s stare. He saw Nathan stand up and turned around, reaching out to try to stop him from going. Nathan slipped out of his grasp and disappeared into the trees. 

Gabriel banged his head back against the wall of the cottage, staring at the sky. That was the second time Nathan had run away from him. He kept messing up. It was like his common sense disappeared around Nathan. He waited for what seemed like hours before his exhaustion lulled him into a fitful sleep. 

He woke up cramped, uncomfortable and cold. He felt the hard-packed earth under him and sighed. How was Nathan used to this? Speaking of Nathan… With great effort, he hauled himself up and stretched his aching limbs. He looked into the cottage. There was no one there. He glanced around him. Nathan was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I forgot to update! Plus this chapter is super short... I promise to do my best to get a new chapter posted soon!


	8. Back to Normal

Nathan had spent the night in the forest, on a bed of pine needles. He woke up with a start, with the ghost of Gabriel’s touch on his lips. Now that he was awake, he had no choice but to face the situation. Gabriel probably couldn’t get back by himself, so he had to return to his cottage, but he didn’t want to face him, not after last night. Nathan had been doing nothing but running away recently. 

If he didn’t return, Gabriel might worry about him. Or would he? Why had he kissed him last night? Nathan forced down the flood of questions. Right now was not the time for speculation. He needed to go back. He took a moment to get his bearings. He was some way to the north of his cottage. He started walking back.

He saw Gabriel standing by his garden, looking around him. Nathan could have laughed at his confused expression. Instead, he did something funnier. He moved silently out of the shadows, creeping along as if he was a shadow himself. He kept Gabriel’s back to him as he approached, careful not to make a sound. When he was close enough, he pounced, wrapping his arm around Gabriel's neck and tackling him, not hard enough to cause damage, but enough to hurt a little.

Gabriel barely had time to flail his arms with a surprised shout before he was on the ground, staring up at a smirking Nathan with a hilariously confused expression. After a moment his tense posture melted away and he smiled, then started laughing. He took the hand Nathan offered him, shaking he his head lightly as he got up.

“You scared me there.”

“That was the point,” Nathan responded. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Gabriel shook his head. “My ego is bruised, though. How did you sneak up on me that easily?”

“I have a lot of experience,” Nathan told him. Gabriel sensed that pushing for a better answer would ruin the moment so he was silent. He was just glad that Nathan seemed to have gotten over what happened last night.

What he had done last night was a mistake, but he wasn’t going to let it ruin his friendship with Nathan. Nathan had a lot of secrets, and he wanted to be someone Nathan could trust enough to reveal them to. He decided to leave the issue alone for the moment. Starting an argument would do no good right now. He tried to lighten the mood.

“So, have your paintings been selling?” It worked. Nathan was always willing to talk about his business. 

“Rose tells me they are, and I’m getting the money, so I suppose I have to trust her.”

“Have you seen the website she put up for you?”

“Nah, that stuff’s her job. I don’t care if she sells them on the black market as long as it pays.”

Gabriel grinned. “I’ll pass on the message. I’m sure she has contacts on the dark web somewhere.”

“The cult of the Baristas?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Nathan was grinning too now. It wasn’t a real smile, not yet, and Gabriel had barely heard him laugh unsarcastically, but it was an improvement from his default scowl.

“Hey, I should head back now. Can you show me the way? I’m not sure I can make it on my own,” Gabriel said. Nathan stared at him. 

“How did you even get here?”

“Rose told me.”

“She promised never to tell anyone. Fucking liar.” Despite his words, he didn’t seem too upset.

“Well, I was kinda insistent,” Gabriel explained. Nathan gave him a weird look but didn’t say anything. They walked into the house. Nathan saw the unused bed.

“I give you my bed and you sleep outside. Smart.”

Gabriel laughed awkwardly. He didn’t want to say that he had slept outside because he was waiting for Nathan to come back. Nathan didn’t say anything either. 

“Hey, Nathan.”  
“Yeah?” Nathan looked back at him.

“We’re friends, right?” As soon as he asked it, Gabriel felt stupid for doing so. Nathan didn’t laugh, though. He just looked at him with an unreadable expression.

“Yeah,” He answered. “We are.” His lip quirked in a half-smile. Gabriel returned it.

He showed Gabriel the way back, taking a different route that Gabriel had taken the day before, avoiding the trails. He navigated expertly in the forest in which, to Gabriel, every tree looked the same. Once they got to an area that Gabriel knew they parted, agreeing to meet at the cafe in a few days. Everything seemed back to normal.


	9. The Queen Bitch

Gabriel paused at the door to the cafe. Rose was standing by the table, talking to Nathan. She was grinning happily while Nathan was scowling, brow furrowed. Rose gestured with her hands, saying something which Nathan was obviously not pleased with, as he swatted her hand away, remarking something, his sarcasm detectable from the other side of the cafe. Gabriel smiled. They had a strange friendship, but it was certainly amusing. 

At that moment, Nathan noticed him out of the corner of his eye, turning around and yelling at him across the room, making quite a few other patrons glare at him.

“Get your arse over here before she annoys me to death!” Gabriel rolled his eyes, walking over.

“What if I’m on her side?” Nathan glared at him.

“Don’t you dare.” He said seriously. Gabriel raised his hands in surrender.

“I don’t even know what this is about.” He said. “So, mind filling me in?”

“Yes. You don’t need to know.”

“I was just say-” Rose began.

“No. Go serve customers.”

Rose walked away, pouting at “How rude he was”. Chuckling lightly, Gabriel sat down. Those two were something else. Even though they were polar opposites and didn’t seem to get along very well, they made the perfect pair. Rose could take Nathan’s sarcastic remarks and Nathan could- usually- handle her teasing, so it worked.

Nathan was still scowling at Rose, who was now working behind the counter. Gabriel tried getting his attention by remarking on the original choice of clothes of someone passing by the cafe. It worked. Nathan commented that his hair made him look like a poodle.They spent a while observing the passerby’s clothing and making guesses about their occupations. Nathan was a surprisingly good judge of character, but he also had some very strange word choices. As an avid reader, however, Gabriel could appreciate the colourful descriptions.

Gabriel was laughing at Nathan’s comparison between a certain dress and an overripe pear when suddenly Nathan swore very loudly, eyes widening.

“Hey, Wha-”

Nathan ducked his head under the table, trying to hide. Gabriel stared at him, puzzled. He heard the bell chime to indicate the entrance of a customer. A tall blue-eyed brunette walked into the cafe, looking around her. She was stunningly beautiful, even Gabriel could see that, but she also had an air of importance around her. Upon her entrance, Nathan lifted his head up from under the table, groaning. 

The woman noticed Nathan, prompting him to swear again as she smiled at him. He got up to face her as she walked over.

“Well if it isn’t the juvenile delinquent. Have you found a new friend?” She asked, looking at Gabriel. Nathan snorted.

“And if it isn’t the Queen Bitch herself. Run out of people to bully?” He responded. “Last I head of you, you were busy learning how to be a decent human being in university. I bet you failed that class.”

The “Queen Bitch”’s smile melted away into a malignant grin. 

“Last I heard of you, you were in jail for beating up three guys with a brick.”

“Four. It was four. And I’m not afraid to do it again, if that’s what you were wondering. It might even improve your looks.”

Gabriel was following their exchange with a confused expression. Who was this person and why did she and Nathan hate each other this much? And four people? With a brick?

“Excuse me, but who are you?” He interrupted them. The woman turned her attention to him, inspecting him. Nathan answered for her.

“This is Jessica, my sister.”

“Half sister,” She corrected him. “And who might you be?”

“This is Gabriel. Bitch, Gabriel. Gabriel, Bitch.” Nathan introduced them, emphasising the words. Jessica appeared to be about to say something but he cut her off.

“I would love to hear about your life, but I don’t really have any fucks to give right now and my middle finger is busy, so maybe later.”

“Actually, I was wondering how you were doing. How’re you doing? Y’know, after what happened with Celia.”

Those words Nathan stiffened. Gabriel saw the anger in his eyes and realised this had been much more than just an innocent question, or even a regular insult. Nathan was genuinely furious.

“Are you going to order anything? If not, please leave.” Rose interrupted. She had a hardness in her expression that Gabriel had never seen before.

Jessica glared at Nathan for a moment before turning on her heel and walking away. Rose gave Nathan a worried look. Nathan grabbed Gabriel’s hand and got up, dragging him out of the cafe. They hadn’t payed their bills, but Rose didn’t comment as they left. Nathan was visibly agitated, pulling him roughly. Once they were outside he headed to a side street. 

He let go of Gabriel and they walked side by side. Gabriel remembered all the questions he had, but didn’t ask them yet. 

…

They walked all the way to Gabriel’s apartment, not saying a word the whole way there. Nathan could tell Gabriel was confused. Of course he was. His relationship with Jessica was hardly normal. They took the stairs to the apartment and Gabriel didn’t protest as Nathan told him to open the door, letting them in without a word. Nathan went straight to the couch, laying down on his face. 

Nathan heard Gabriel kneeling next to him, but didn’t move, not allowing the other man to catch his gaze.

“Nathan,” Gabriel said. “Talk to me. Who was she?”

“My sister.” Nathan grumbled with his face against the couch cushion.

“I know, but why was she talking to you like that?”

“She hates me. Has always hated me. It’s nothing new.” Nathan said. It was true. He wasn’t bothered by Jessica being horrible. That was to be expected. Celia, though, was another matter.

“Alright. But…” Gabriel seemed to be considering his words carefully. Nathan realised what he was going to ask and rolled onto his side, staring at him.

“Gabriel, no-“

“Who’s Celia?” There. There it was. The inevitable question. Nathan saw it in Gabriel’s face, the sort of resigned commitment when you will get anything to get an answer even if you don’t know if you want to know. Nathan hated that look.

“It doesn’t matter.” He said softly.

“Nathan, obviously it does.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Nathan nearly shouted, the anger in his eyes obvious. “Stop asking me questions!”

Gabriel stared at him. “Nathan, you need to talk to me.” He said.

“No I don’t. Why should I trust you? I barely know you!” Nathan regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, but he didn’t dare take them back. He watched Gabriel’s expression harden.

“What happened to being friends,” He asked. “Does that only apply when I’m not asking uncomfortable questions?” He asked coldly. 

“Gabriel, I-“

“No. Nathan, get out.” Gabriel said. “If you can’t trust me, why should I trust you? Get out of my house.”

Nathan stared at him, dumbfounded. Then, he stood up stiffly, walking past Gabriel to the door. He shut the door behind him and ran down the stairs and out of the building, toward his cabin, wondering how he managed to fuck things up this bad.

 

 

 


	10. Can't Run Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry... I just totally forgot to update. Well, if anyone cares, here's a chapter. A very short one... But I promise I'm working on the next one.

Gabriel held his head in his hands, leaning against the couch. He had said something horrible to Nathan, but it had been true. He was tired of Nathan avoiding him, avoiding his questions. It hurt him to see Nathan hurt, but what hurt him most was when Nathan said he didn’t trust him. Gabriel supposed he and Nathan hadn’t been friends for that long, but he still thought they had at least some level of trust. Apparently Nathan didn’t. 

He got up and walked to the kitchen and made himself some coffee. It wasn’t a good Idea have any this late in the evening, but wasn’t planning on sleeping anyway. 

…

Nathan didn’t stop as he passed his cabin. He just kept running, deeper into the forest. He leapt over roots and rocks, his muscles straining as he ran uphill. He focused on the feeling, shoving his whirlwind of thoughts away. Running was the best way to distract him. But he couldn’t keep running forever. To make things worse, his pills were wearing off, and a headache was worming it’s way into his consciousness. 

Gabriel is my friend, he thought. You’re supposed to trust your friends. Do I trust Gabriel? Nathan didn’t know. He stopped, leaning against a tree for support, gasping for air. He hadn’t even run that far, why was he out of breath? He was hyperventilating for no reason. No, he did have a reason. It was Gabriel. Gabriel was the only one who could possibly make him like this. Nathan never looked for other’s approval, but somehow Gabriel had managed to worm himself into his mind and now that he had pushed Nathan away, he couldn’t take it.

Nathan knew that Gabriel had every reason to push him away. Nathan knew that he had been bad to Gabriel, but that only made it hurt more. He wanted to run away and hide somewhere, somewhere where he would never need to deal with anyone again, but just the thought of never seeing Gabriel again stabbed daggers into his heart. God, when had it gotten that bad? He laughed drily. He seemed to have really bad luck in love.

Love? Nathan almost flinched when he registered the thought. Did he love Gabriel? He didn’t know. For a long time he had thought that Annalise was the only person he could ever love, even when he hated her. But now… He didn’t know. Did he want to love Gabriel? Yes. Yes, he did, but he was afraid to go back and try to fix things. 

“Well, you can’t run forever, so might as well run somewhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is welcome, so if you find something I could improve, feel free to comment!


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